Tag: love

Enjoying My Own Company, Again

On By Charli ReneeLeave a comment

Honestly, I haven’t been writing much at all, not for the last several or more months.  Along with that, my reading has been significantly less. Even taking care of myself, exercise, nutrition, just has not been a priority. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been horrible. I have enjoyed aspects of the stillness, even believe some essential.

Until…

I have noticed my thought patterns have been more theatrical and chaotic, emotions less regulated, fretting more, resurfacing insecurities, and restlessness rising. Also, I have not been outside much.  I think for most of us, nature always brings us home.  I found myself checking out more on the surface but overthinking like crazy on the inside.  So, I decided to take a few personal days.  I am so thankful for this choice, especially with some added stress at work these last couple of weeks.

On the first day off, I kept my recent patterns alive and well. I was obsessed about work and system issues.  I need my job so losing it isn’t an option. Anyway, I thought to myself, maybe just give up the remaining personal days if I am going to just obsess about work, just log in and get back at it.   However, I reminded myself I can do hard things, but I don’t want to today, lol.  I knew what needs to happen so stay the course of my mission to return to enjoying my own company again, so.

 Today, my second day off,  I woke up at my normal time, between 4 and 5. I immediately started scrolling and shortly after, I turned on the TV. Thankfully, I heard my inner voice louder.

Wait woman, didn’t you already tell yourself what you want and need to do?  It is time to get back up on that proverbial horse and ride baby ride, only nice and easy, likened to a trot in a surrounded by field of flowers.

 I reached over, grabbing a great book, For the life of me, I’ll never figure out why I put off reading when every single time I start, I am inspired to not only read more, but to write more.  Anyway, it was so cathartically peaceful.  Door open, soft breeze. It was so early that the beautiful sounds of nature had yet to rise for the day. Once they did start their mesmerizing symphony, I sat outside and enjoyed the app my Ornithologist brother hooked me up with. You start a recording and as the birds start entertaining their listeners, the app tells you what birds they are and all about each one.   I felt both calm and intrigued.  Curiosity is a gift that I never want to give back, and today I realized I was choosing to relinquish its bounty.   I believe when I allow myself to remain in an apathetic state to help me digest life’s challenges, I lose so much. I don’t want to be so weary that I lose the spark sweet curiosity brings. While I don’t want to take life and myself so seriously, I don’t want indifference either. Balance is, as ALWAYS, key.

Back to the morning, 

Just as I was finishing the book, my Grand Nae Nae, opened her door across the hall. She informed me that she is going for a walk, and I asked if I could join, me and Dolly. The journey was short and sweet.    When we returned, we did some chores and now I am at my laptop writing.

Are all those stressors still here? Are all the circumstances that have been causing fret left the inner dwellings? Heck to the NO!!!

However, I am back up in the saddle for today and ready to keep on keeping on in a manner conducive to enjoying the moments more and having the coping skills to do what needs to get done in a more efficient, calm and steady manner.

 We always have work to do, growth is a necessary blessing, though not always fun.  I like the authentic, easy-going, free-spirited person I am, but those attributes require intentional habits and routines to be authentic and sustainable.  

 I will put in the intention and follow through, not for perfection, but for balance’s sake!!    Will this last? Will I stay on track? Maybe not, probably not, there will always be seasons to a degree. For today, I welcome the me again that is quite happy in my own company.

 Thank you, reader, for sitting with me awhile. 

Her

On By Charli Renee3 Comments

She is a winner. The orneriest, wittiest, wisest, most entertaining, fun, curious, loyal, loved, easy laughing, unique, inspiring, honest, and beautiful lady of integrity there ever was. I’m not exaggerating!

Yes, she and Dad introduced me to God, and for that I am eternally grateful. She has shown up for all of her loves, over and over again. She instilled in me the notion that thoughts are things, and each and every day, I reflect on the gift she gave me.

It was afternoon, just after school, as I recall. We were cleaning the counter, and I don’t remember what she was responding to. I can only imagine I was expressing a less than enthusiastic attitude about having to do chores, lol.

Anyway, I still hear her voice.

Don’t get me wrong, she isn’t perfect. But dang, she comes close. I say this because ever since I can remember, she’s put up with my shenanigans, and when we’ve faced friction (usually my doing), she never stopped proving her unconditional love.

There is no one more deserving of my respect and admiration.

She isn’t tall, but if you mess with one of her loves, well, let’s all be glad she doesn’t carry.

Despite her being a bit of a private introvert, when it comes to family, furry and otherwise, they are her world entire.

And one more thing, don’t just take my word for it. She is so cherished, so adored, and so deeply loved by her devoted husband, Papa, her sissy, her four other children and their spouses, all her many grands, thirty plus in all, including all her grands and great grands. Then there are the nieces, nephews, not to mention her many familial friends, all of which cherish the treasure she is. Her magical self continues to touch so many lives.

Mama, when it comes to you, finding what’s right always comes easily, the easiest in fact.

Pollyanna with a Side of Real Talk

On By Charli Renee2 Comments

Yes, I choose to be a Pollyanna type of person. I have been scammed, cheated, hit, raped (TMI), bullied, lied to, and abandoned, mostly by myself. I have made plenty of poor and selfish choices too. I feel some know less trauma, but most the same or more. We’re all part of the same messy tribe called “people,” trying to make sense of it as we go.

Yet, I prefer to believe in the goodness of people and businesses. Not because it is easier to live in denial than be bothered with discernment or discomfort; but because I believe in good people and businesses that run on integrity. I have experienced much more of the good stuff.

My employers, for example, have displayed strong and healthy transparency and honest business practices. Plus, most of my dealings, besides the company I work for, have been honorable. Finding hard workers who do right by you and aim to earn your business is such a privilege to witness.

Also, my family is not perfect, but I have been blessed to know what it is to be on the receiving end of noble parents and siblings. And I have lifelong friends who have withstood the test of time and friction. Good ladies!

As a customer service rep, I know engaging with challenging attitudes is very stressful, but still they are the minority by a long shot. Most people are either civil, and some give the kind of warmth I like giving and receiving.

Where am I going with all this? Hold on while I try to remember, lol, jk.

I just have noticed lately that now I understand why the older population gets crotchety. People seem to just ignore when we have issues. I don’t want to be negative, but this is a bummer. Maybe I am also exemplifying a boomer approach that is causing… idk.

Hey…

Maybe, this wasn’t a rant. Maybe, it was just a small prayer disguised as one. For goodness to keep showing up. For grace to meet frustration halfway. For all of us to stay kind, even when it’s hard. And for hope to remind us why believing in the good is still worth it. Lastly, may we find the balance of discernment to avoid unnecessary bumps in the road.

My Heart

On By Charli Renee5 Comments

We all know time passes. We learn that fast, sometimes too fast. And we all figure out eventually that we are not here forever. Death is part of the deal. It is not a surprise, and yet it always is.

It boggles my entire being that I have an eighteen-year-old granddaughter. Not just any granddaughter, but my new roomie. Hilarious, full of fire and fun, she brings energy into every corner of the room. Nothing about her is quiet. She is bold and brilliant and beautifully complex, just like the women who came before her. She has my heart.

And then there is Blayk, my soon-to-be seventeen-year-old grandson. My only boy. He is becoming one of the best men I have ever known. There is something steady in him, a deep well of compassion and strength that humbles me. He is rising into himself with grace, and I am honored to see it. He has my heart.

My middle granddaughter, my shining Mady Skye Pie, is just two weeks away from her golden birthday. Thirteen. The edge of something magical. She is a blend of sparkle and steel. She is thoughtful and creative. She is already showing signs of becoming a force in the world, just like the women who came before her. She has my heart.

And then there is my baby-girl Rachel, now seven. Uniquely cool, endlessly lovable, and deeply missed. I carry her giggles in my memory like a favorite song I can’t stop humming. She has my heart.

This life, these children, these moments, these years… they move through me like a wind I never saw coming, but I would not live without. I would not trade a single second of watching them grow. I love them fully. I remember every version of who they have been and who they are becoming.

They each have my heart, and always will

On the Porch: A Little Curiosity & Coffee

On By Charli Renee6 Comments

Good morning, my friends. I am so delighted to have you on my porch this morning. Sit down, let me get you a yummy cup of coffee, or do you prefer tea? Oh, here is a blanket to put over your legs. Isn’t that cozy? What a beautiful day, huh? I am smiling so big inside now that you are here; it is an even sweeter place.

I love that we get to visit awhile. It’s been such a joy sharing my dreams and messy bits with you, and now I’d love to know more about you too.

Can you relate to finding people fascinating? We’re creatures, not so different from the ones we watch on nature shows: living, eating, sleeping, surviving. Now, don’t get offended. I’m not saying we’re out here in the wild picking tiny critters off each other’s fur! In our own odd way, though, we’re just animals too, born, nourished, messy, and eventually moving on.

Yes, we share so many of the same aspects because we’re the same species. And yet, our differences are remarkable. If I told you I sometimes see people as a living research project, would you be offended? No one wants to feel like an experiment. I think maybe “research project” isn’t quite the right way to say it. Maybe it’s better to say we’re all little mysteries to one another, and that’s a good thing. It’s one of the best parts of being human, discovering how beautifully different or similar we are and what surprises hide behind ordinary faces.

Instead of asking if you like to be studied, let’s wander into this question instead. We are dynamic creatures who have varying aspects of ourselves that come out to play or explore. My desire to know and understand is pretty constant, but with some I am allowed to go in. I put my reporter hat on and delve in. Oh, how I love those who indulge my insatiable curiosity. How about you? Should I go get my hat; or do you have one you want to wear with me? I want you to feel so comfortable with me. I am genuinely interested, my friend.

Sometimes, it is easier to open up when you are with someone who is also willing to be vulnerable with you, huh? It is key. The best kinds of encounters are the ones that feel balanced, real, raw, and bounce freely between listening and sharing, and maybe laughing so hard you spill your coffee down your shirt. That happens on my porch more than I’d like to admit. Spilling is a superpower, right? Maybe it’s not the mess but the permission to be a little messy together that makes connection real. Each connection, whether lifelong or brief, taps into different parts of who we are and invites out new or blossoming stories.

For example, let me tell you about my circle of friends to show you what I mean. With one, I am quite the babbling soul, and laughter always shows up. With another, we go straight to deeper conversations, discussing safely our faiths, our thoughts, even politics. She is a willing participant, always eager to go in. Then there is one gal pal who has taught me much from our interactions. She is a strong and enduring soul and friend, so feisty and lovable too. Each friend and connection brings and teaches so much. Oh wait, there is one more to share. She is a special friend that I am a bit intimidated by and still feel so close to. It is such an awkward dynamic. I find her and us a mystery that I hope to discover. However, I will have to let my guard down with her, and she with me if that is to happen. It isn’t an intentional wall; we are just both private and open too. I suppose I just don’t know her well enough yet.

Do you have people like that too? Close but also a little intimidating, familiar yet still a puzzle?

Oh, my goodness, like our time on this porch, the day is warming up nicely, dear sparkling reader. I don’t want to keep you from today’s journey.

What say you? Should we do this again? It has been very fun hanging out with you. I could sit with you for hours. Thank you for your time and for your willingness to ignite connection. It feels so good; shall we plan for our next visit… you, me, a porch, a cup of coffee, and some enticing curiosity lingering in the air? I hope you always feel welcome here. Let’s keep this porch inviting for next time; we’re just getting started.

Spilling Love,

Charli Renee