Honestly, I haven’t been writing much at all, not for the last several or more months.  Along with that, my reading has been significantly less. Even taking care of myself, exercise, nutrition, just has not been a priority. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been horrible. I have enjoyed aspects of the stillness, even believe some essential.

Until…

I have noticed my thought patterns have been more theatrical and chaotic, emotions less regulated, fretting more, resurfacing insecurities, and restlessness rising. Also, I have not been outside much.  I think for most of us, nature always brings us home.  I found myself checking out more on the surface but overthinking like crazy on the inside.  So, I decided to take a few personal days.  I am so thankful for this choice, especially with some added stress at work these last couple of weeks.

On the first day off, I kept my recent patterns alive and well. I was obsessed about work and system issues.  I need my job so losing it isn’t an option. Anyway, I thought to myself, maybe just give up the remaining personal days if I am going to just obsess about work, just log in and get back at it.   However, I reminded myself I can do hard things, but I don’t want to today, lol.  I knew what needs to happen so stay the course of my mission to return to enjoying my own company again, so.

 Today, my second day off,  I woke up at my normal time, between 4 and 5. I immediately started scrolling and shortly after, I turned on the TV. Thankfully, I heard my inner voice louder.

Wait woman, didn’t you already tell yourself what you want and need to do?  It is time to get back up on that proverbial horse and ride baby ride, only nice and easy, likened to a trot in a surrounded by field of flowers.

 I reached over, grabbing a great book, For the life of me, I’ll never figure out why I put off reading when every single time I start, I am inspired to not only read more, but to write more.  Anyway, it was so cathartically peaceful.  Door open, soft breeze. It was so early that the beautiful sounds of nature had yet to rise for the day. Once they did start their mesmerizing symphony, I sat outside and enjoyed the app my Ornithologist brother hooked me up with. You start a recording and as the birds start entertaining their listeners, the app tells you what birds they are and all about each one.   I felt both calm and intrigued.  Curiosity is a gift that I never want to give back, and today I realized I was choosing to relinquish its bounty.   I believe when I allow myself to remain in an apathetic state to help me digest life’s challenges, I lose so much. I don’t want to be so weary that I lose the spark sweet curiosity brings. While I don’t want to take life and myself so seriously, I don’t want indifference either. Balance is, as ALWAYS, key.

Back to the morning, 

Just as I was finishing the book, my Grand Nae Nae, opened her door across the hall. She informed me that she is going for a walk, and I asked if I could join, me and Dolly. The journey was short and sweet.    When we returned, we did some chores and now I am at my laptop writing.

Are all those stressors still here? Are all the circumstances that have been causing fret left the inner dwellings? Heck to the NO!!!

However, I am back up in the saddle for today and ready to keep on keeping on in a manner conducive to enjoying the moments more and having the coping skills to do what needs to get done in a more efficient, calm and steady manner.

 We always have work to do, growth is a necessary blessing, though not always fun.  I like the authentic, easy-going, free-spirited person I am, but those attributes require intentional habits and routines to be authentic and sustainable.  

 I will put in the intention and follow through, not for perfection, but for balance’s sake!!    Will this last? Will I stay on track? Maybe not, probably not, there will always be seasons to a degree. For today, I welcome the me again that is quite happy in my own company.

 Thank you, reader, for sitting with me awhile.