How lovely it is to sit down on the living room couch, cuddled and cozy next to the love of your life. Perhaps, watching a Christmas Hallmark movie, where the magic of romance flows from the screen to fill the room with enchantment.

Couples, newlyweds or lifelong veterans, partaking, even dancing, in the art of love. They experience ebbs and flows, but still, they carry on. I find this to be a unique force of determination, grit, and fortitude, sticking to one another through all seasons of life. What a testament, to endure such an adventure. I sure do admire it though.

It must come with many blessings: to help work through the hard times and, even in the dark days, to find comfort knowing your loyal partner remains. It is not perfect, but it is theirs, a resolute union of their own making.

Of course, not all relationships are healthy. Some are toxic to the core. I am not speaking of ugly moments that pass, but of situations that are not good for anyone involved. Those sorts should never last. What is that saying? It is better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. On this, we can all agree.

However, the choice to be single isn’t always because of trauma filled romances, or bitter, broken people opting to stay single to protect their wounded souls. Singledom does not always require a solution.

The idea that singleness is a problem to be solved didn’t start with us. It was handed down gently at first, then louder as time went on, through customs, stories, and subtle messages tucked inside the scripts of everyday life.

Since the dawn of time, survival and social status were deeply rooted in marriage, especially for women. To be partnered was to be protected, provided for, and publicly validated. To be alone was to struggle in every aspect of life. It simply was a risk.

Even as times changed, the undercurrent remained. We saw it in fairy tales, where the story wasn’t complete until a prince arrived. In family gatherings, where the single seat at the table was met with pity, or the inevitable question: “Are you dating anyone?” In movies, where the triumphant moment wasn’t the career milestone or self-discovery, but the kiss in the rain.

Over time, the myth took shape: that if you were single, something must be missing: a piece of your identity, a chapter of your life, a person to prove you were worth choosing.

However, myths only hold power when we mistake them for truth. And this one, though dressed in sentiment and tradition, is more fiction than fact, at least for those to whom it is an intentional preference.

Let me be clear: whatever you choose is what is best for you.

I frequently feel the need to advocate for being single as a fulfilling and valid lifestyle choice.

I come across words like these so often:

To choose to be single is selfish. It is such a lonely and depressing existence, with no purpose, no meaning. We only have one life, so why choose to do it alone? If you’re left with no option, then sure, it is understandable. But don’t worry, it’s never too late to find another. Now dust off your solitary britches and get back out there. No need to put up the proverbial sign “out of business” just yet. You will be okay. Just work on being a better you, so when the right one comes along, you will be good and ready.

I recall recently, while hanging out with my oldest, asking her what her biggest fear was. I was trying to guess quickly: being buried alive, drowning, eaten by a wild bear or a shark? Nope. “Oh, that’s easy, Mama,” she said. “By far and above, my biggest fear is being alone.” Huh? I laughed, thinking, Read the room, woman! She laughed too, immediately trying to console me.

“I like to be alone, Mama,” she said, “but to always be alone seems so sad and isolating.” I said, “Yeah, I understand, baby.”

I explained that I believe much of her fear comes from not having experienced it long enough to discover its pleasures. There are so many, just as there are in sharing your life with another. Both take work to thrive. Both have seasons. Neither is exempt from the struggles that come with living. Like all things, in all ways, faithful practice builds resilience and grace.

Since then, I have thought a lot about her response and the misconceptions that seem mainstream. This, for example, is what I hear often: “I would have left my marriage years ago, but I stay because I don’t want to end up alone.” Heaven forbid one would have to endure such a tragic demise.

Well, I am here to dispel the wretched myth that there is something missing.

One doesn’t find missing pieces by pairing up. Wholeness isn’t stitched into someone else’s arms. It builds patiently, day by day, inside your own heart.

There are pleasures woven like secret smiles within a life lived singularly. The slow mornings where the only sound is the lilting birdsong. The thrill of tackling long neglected chores, starting a new project, or exploring without interruptions. One can choose the sweetest option of all, to do nothing at all. Many options come without negotiation or permission. The freedom to build a rhythm entirely on your own is not a burden but a blissful paradise at times. There is an intimacy with oneself that deepens, a sovereignty of spirit that blooms, and a quiet power that rises, when you realize you are not waiting for life to begin.

Single does not equal solitary confinement. There are always people in need of the tender care only you can offer, and many ways to give and receive. There is always laughter and adventures waiting to be shared, but you must be willing to make these connections happen. You can design a social life, find hobbies, all while maintaining your meaningful choice to be single.

Life is a puzzle; we search to find all the pieces that fit together just right. Each creation is unique and can bring purpose, fulfillment, and joy, along with trials and heartaches. There is always more work to do. However, I have found a fascinating discovery in this journey on my own, being alone doesn’t have to mean I have no place to belong. Sweet, rewarding acceptance was found in my own company. There is no piece missing. I am dining perfectly at my table for one, partaking in all the delicious gifts that the banquet of life offers.

And so, if you find yourself walking a path with no hand to hold, do not rush to call it lacking. Instead, listen to the birdsong meant for your ears alone. Relish in the sacredness of choosing your own pace, your own becoming. It is not a lesser existence. You can stand alone, vibrantly and beautifully whole. Life, in all its seasons, offers various kinds of abundance. Some are partnered; others walk alone. You are not missing anything. You have arrived just as you are.

You are your home.