Stories, Bit by Bit: Lilly, Part Fourteen

Like the coffee shop, Garden Terrace had become a favorite place to eat.

The appetizers had arrived, but Roni hadn’t touched her food. She was too busy entertaining them with the events of her day.

“Guys, this day was one funky day all the way through. I expected it to be smooth. I was just getting the final things together. I needed to pick up the dress, check the flower arrangements one more time, and make sure the cake was exactly what they promised.”

“Everyone I encountered seemed to know all too well that Bridezilla was what they were going to be facing. So I thought I’d have a little fun and go in with a bit of a rawr.”

“Oh no, Roni, that wasn’t nice. Especially since you can just be yourself and that monster will show itself.”

“What? Lilly, how dare you! Are you the Bridezilla maid of honor?”

Justin laughed but didn’t say a word. He knew better.

Lilly laughed, holding up a hand as she finished her bite of salad.

“Hold on now. I just meant, you know how you have always said people misunderstand your assertive ways, your in-charge ways, as being bitchy. Soooo…”

Roni interrupted. “I know, bestie. I’m just giving you the hard time I was giving everyone today. But you’re right. It didn’t need to be a façade for long. The flowers weren’t quite right, but we figured it out. The cake needed my input on a few final touches, too. And my dress, well, it was perfect, but she told me it was going to cost extra for the veil. I was furious. We’d agreed it was part of the package. It took some convincing, but I brought my receipt. It was clear.”

“Anyway, enough about me…”

Justin interrupted. “Darling, it is never enough about you.”

“You do have a good point. Please remember that, honey bunches of handsomeness.”

They laughed.

Roni leaned back. “Really, though, quit stalling. I want to know about the writing and what you two talked about. Don’t leave anything out…”

“Listen, Roni, her attitude alone has shown so much growth. You’d be so proud of your girl.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Lilly, what is it?” Roni asked.

“Oh, well, he did give me positive feedback, but he also said my work still needs less explaining and more showing. I get what he’s saying, but I’m kinda clueless about how to not only recognize it, but fix it.”

Justin spoke up. “That’s some of the work she’s going to have to do on her own. Lilly, why don’t you show Roni the sentence we talked about and tell her where we left it?”

Lilly turned the laptop toward Roni.

“Okay, here is the sentence. Now the moment seemed even more vivid than the picture.“

Roni cocked her head. “Okay, so what’s wrong with that? I guess I need to read the entire piece.”

“Well, of course you will, but for now, let me try and explain. I don’t need a fancier sentence. I need the reader to better understand what I actually meant. I want the reader to feel how alive the photograph seemed. I’d already expressed that you could almost hear the women laughing, but I need more to make that clear without explaining it.”

Lilly looked at Justin. “Thanks to him, I understand the problem better. I’m just still not sure exactly how to fix it.”

She paused.

“But what Justin said earlier is true. I am excited to learn. To be more patient.”

Roni giggled.

“What’s funny, my lifelong pal?”

“Well, dear Lilly, I know patience is not your strong suit. So yes, this will be a challenge. But girl, I have never met anyone in my life as determined as you. Some would say stubborn.”

Lilly smirked.

“Seriously. I’m not surprised you turned your attitude around, and I won’t be surprised when you become one hell of a writer. Your superpower is your tenacity. You don’t give up on yourself, no matter what.”

“Justin, I know you mentioned the possibility of an internship, but honestly, I don’t think I’m ready. Not yet. I am ready to go back to Greg and the writing club, though. I mean, I still need to make a few adjustments to my piece…”

Justin nodded. “In fact, I agree. Your piece only needs small adjustments. I believe you’re ready to face Greg. And even if he says no, that’s okay. I know that’s not your ideal outcome, but a closed door only means you have more work to do.”

Lilly smiled. “And more patience to practice.”

Justin grinned. “Look at you.”

“Greg was clear. He advised me to write why I would be a good fit, but I didn’t do that.”

“I agree, Lilly. You didn’t.” Justin smiled. “But I think you did something better. You decided to show him.”

All three sat in silence, which Lilly knew was hard for Roni.

Just before it became awkward, Lilly took a deep breath.

“You know, you’re so right. I’ll just add a cover page saying something like this…”

She paused, thinking.

“I was prepared to tell you why I would be a good fit. Instead, I’m going to show you.”

Roni reached across the table. “Lilly, I was already the happiest woman alive, but now you’ve given me a little extra joy.”

A few days later, Lilly sat alone at the airport, her laptop bag tucked beside her.

She smiled as she thought about the wedding. It had been beautiful. So completely Roni.

As long as I live, I’ll never forget the look on her face as she gave me one last hug before getting into that decorated newlywed car.

I’ll miss her so much, but I’ll see her soon. She promised to come see me in a couple of months. *I love her so much. And that husband of hers has sure grown on me, too.

The announcement came over the intercom. Lilly’s flight was boarding.

Just after the seatbelt sign went off, Lilly opened her beloved laptop.

She grinned, ready to take on that one line. Maybe more.

She started reading her piece from the beginning.

To be continued.

One more bit to go…

Sending warmth and kindness.

Stories, Bit by Bit: Lilly, Part Thirteen

Her grip on the steering wheel had softened, not like before. She drove with the window open, feeling the freedom of the air, matching the freedom she felt in every breath.

This is nice, she thought. Not fretting about the what-ifs or worrying about the hurt I’ll feel if he says my piece isn’t ready.

It wasn’t that she felt more confident. Something had shifted, though, and she wasn’t even sure it had anything to do with her writing.

She let it go and simply enjoyed the drive to the coffee shop she’d come to appreciate as a comfy place to be.

Justin was already there when she arrived. He stood, and she waved.

“Hi. And that’s not necessary. We’re like family now.”

“Okay, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll stop with the formalities if you realize we’re like family now, too. Let’s use this time with as little unease as possible. Roni and I are both excited about your writing. I’d hate to think our time together feels like a test.”

“Oh, Justin, it’s a deal. To be honest, I’m glad we’re talking about this. I’ve been thinking about it since before I left the motel. I feel a shift, not necessarily with my writing, but with the critique of it. I’m actually excited to learn more from you.”

“Well, I hope so. That remains to be seen,” Justin teased.

They both laughed and sat at the same time.

“Well, let’s not waste time. Let’s see it. Why don’t you go order your coffee while I sit here and read? Sound good, Lilly?”

“Oh yes, especially the part about getting coffee. I may have been looking forward to that more than meeting with you.”

She turned, her smile widening. There she was, that familiar warm face.

“Hello. Good to see you again, ma’am. What can I get for you today? Your usual coffee with a splash of vanilla?”

How sweet. She’d already established not only a rapport but a go-to order the kind barista remembered.

She turned to walk back. Justin was still reading and jotting notes.

Oh no, this isn’t a good sign.

She stopped herself from going down that road.

Good. He’s going to give me tangible things to learn and work with today.

Her pace quickened.

Justin looked up as she took another sip.

“Well, Lilly, let’s get started. I do have some opinions. Let’s start with what I thoroughly enjoyed.”

Lilly sat up, then leaned in, ready to capture his every word. 

“Wait. Justin, let me grab my recorder.”

“Sure.”

He waited, and when she looked ready, he began, 

“Lilly, I see you took my advice. You stayed with the scenes longer, and honestly, I felt like I was right there with you in the shop. I almost wanted to be a bride just to experience what you were showing me. But I didn’t have to be. As a reader, I felt transported there, not only to the place, but into the feeling of it. I especially enjoyed the conversations between the women. I could see them.”

He watched her lean back, smiling so hard her cheeks flushed. She was beaming.

“Lilly, it tickles me to see you enjoying my positive feedback. Are you ready for the less-than-glowing review?” Justin asked with a smile.

Her smile stayed, but her tone shifted a bit.

“I think so, Justin. So please, give it to me straight. Don’t hold anything back.”

“Oh, not to worry. I know it isn’t always easy to hear, but it doesn’t help you as a writer if I hold back just to protect your ego. In fact, as I’ve said, the ego is one of the first things you’re going to need to let go of.”

He smiled.

“First, I’d encourage you to keep doing what you’re already improving at. You’re showing instead of telling, and that’s something new writers often struggle with. For example, here.”

Justin leaned toward the laptop and found the passage.

“She gasped. Her cheeks flushed as her clenched hands relaxed at her sides.” He glanced at Lilly. “And then you have her twirling and giggling. You didn’t tell me Helen was excited. You let me see it.”

Justin scrolled farther down.

“But here…”

He read aloud.

“Now the moment seemed even more vivid than the picture.”

Lilly’s eyes widened, her lips curling down just a bit.

Justin paused. “Are you okay, Lilly?”

“Oh yes, of course. Sorry. It’s just that I get frustrated because I want you to tell me what’s wrong. It’s hard for me to be patient with it. I always want you to get right to the point.”

“That’s fair, Lilly, and it’s exactly what we need to be addressing. Sometimes in your writing, it’s as though you want to get to the point. You want to be done. But patience is important. It’s the very thing I think is still lacking in this piece.”

“Okay. I can accept that I need to stay with a moment even more, but I don’t know exactly what that looks like or how to do it, Justin. So if I seem defensive or frustrated, it’s not because I don’t want to hear it. I don’t know how to recognize what’s wrong versus knowing how to fix it. I still feel a disconnect.”

“Well, of course you do. You may have a natural gift, but good writing takes more than that. It takes work, learning, and a lot of trying.” He paused. “Are you up for the challenge, Lilly?”

“I am, Justin. Or at least, I believe I can learn how to be. I won’t lie. I’m afraid I lack the grit, but by golly, I’m going to keep going, one sentence at a time.”

She paused.

“Speaking of one sentence, Justin…” Lilly laughed. “Not to be impatient, but may we go back to that sentence? Can we continue where you left off?”

“Of course, Lilly.”

Justin pointed to the sentence.

“What did you experience that the photograph couldn’t capture?”

Lilly thought for a moment.

“Well, Justin, I liken it to the moment when a beautiful bride-to-be sees her image for the first time, and she and everyone watching know from the look on her face, this is her dress. When I looked at the picture, it was like the captured moment was alive and palpable within the picture itself.”

Justin nodded. “Okay. Now we’re getting somewhere. But listen to what you just told me, and then look at what you wrote.”

He pointed again to the sentence.

“You wrote, ‘Now the moment seemed even more vivid than the picture.’ That’s not quite what you just described to me. You’re telling me the picture itself seemed to hold the life of the moment.”

Lilly looked back at the screen.

“Remember what you wrote just before this? You asked whether I’d ever looked at a picture of someone laughing and could almost hear the joy.”

Lilly’s eyes widened.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” she said, pointing toward the screen.

Justin smiled. “Exactly. You already had it. Now your job isn’t to find a prettier sentence. It’s to figure out how to make me experience what you just explained to me.”

There was a pause. Justin’s face lit up as he quickly rose. Lilly looked back to see what he was looking at when she heard,

“Guys, sorry I’m late.”

Lilly looked at her laptop. It was 5:30 already. Where did the time go?

“Oh, no worries,” Justin said. “Darling, you always arrive right on time.”

“Oh, hush, Justin. You charmer. I wonder if you’ll be saying that ten years down the road.”

Lilly got up and interrupted.

“I don’t know, Roni. I’ve known you most of my life, and I’ve always thought you were right on time.”

“Oh, stop, both of you. Are you ready to go get something to eat? I’m starving. I have so much to share, and I want to hear all about how it went with you guys today.”

As Roni and Justin started their usual public display of affection, Lilly grabbed her recorder and whispered,

“I’m excited to try and make the reader experience…”

Lilly clicked off the recorder.

To be continued…

Just two more bits to go.

Tag, you’re it. If you’d like to jump in, feel free. If not, I’ll keep moving it along, bit by bit.

Endings Anonymous

Daily writing prompt
If you could rewrite any book’s ending, which one would you choose?

“Alright, quiet down, all of you. Especially you two, Jack and Jill,” the facilitator said.

Sherlock Holmes cleared his throat.

“I do have one question,” he said. “Why are they here?”

“Who?”

He nodded toward Jack and Jill.

“They’re nursery rhyme characters.”

“And?”

“This is a support group for literary characters.” He paused. “Standards ought to matter.”

Winnie-the-Pooh sat quietly in the corner, happily enjoying a small pot of honey.

“Excuse me,” he said, looking around the circle. “I don’t think anyone has ever asked to rewrite my ending.”

The room fell silent.

“Then… why are you here?” asked Gatsby.

Pooh smiled. “Someone said there would be snacks.”

“Attendance is voluntary,” she said. “Motives vary.”

Sherlock adjusted his chair..

“Clearly.”

“Welcome, everyone. Same rule as always. No judging endings.”

Old Yeller raised a paw.

“Excuse me… but I’m feeling a little judgy.”

“Nobody asked me,” Old Yeller muttered. “One minute I’m being a hero. The next minute… well, you know. I’d appreciate a second draft.

No one said a word.

Juliet quietly slid the tissue box toward him.

Without a word, the rest of the circle scooted their chairs a little closer.

“Every year,” Gatsby said quietly, “someone decides Daisy should have chosen differently.”

The room nodded.

“Would you want her to?” asked the facilitator.

Gatsby thought for a long moment.

“I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if they’re trying to save me… or themselves.”

The room stayed quiet for exactly three seconds.

Then everyone started talking at once.

“That’s exactly what I’ve been saying.”

“No, no, it’s because they can’t let go.”

“I still think mine deserved a sequel.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

The facilitator glanced at the clock and held up both hands.

“Alright, alright, one at a time.” She smiled. “Unfortunately, that’s all the time we have today.”

Scarlett O’Hara threw up her hands.

“What? I’d like to rewrite this meeting’s ending. I didn’t even get to speak.”

Pooh looked up.

“Wait… does this mean the snacks end, too?”

The facilitator giggled.

“Only until next week.”

Pooh nodded.

“Oh, good.” He smiled. “Still… I do rather agree with Scarlett. This ending could use a little editing.”

Stories, Bit by Bit: Lilly, Part Ten

Eager to try again, she didn’t want to wait.  This time would be different. She was ready to return to The Enchanted Bridal Village.

At each stop sign, her anticipation grew. She couldn’t wait to get there.

Would she see everything differently?

She paused at the entrance and glanced at the hours. Thirty minutes before closing.

Perfect.

Smiling to herself, she stepped inside. It felt less like walking into a bridal shop and more like stepping toward a new beginning.

The doorbell was louder than she remembered. In fact, she hadn’t even noticed it before.

The sweet lady in the front recognized her.

“Hello, Lilly. Nice to see you again.”

Lilly’s smile widened. “Hello. Good to see you, too. Would you mind if I just looked around before you close? I love it here.”

She smiled back at Lilly. “Of course. We love it here, too.”

Slowly, Lilly walked toward the dresses, taking everything in

Contagious laughter rang out.

Lilly giggled and looked toward the group of older ladies. Their enthusiasm lit up the store.

She looked around for a place to sit and observe them. They seemed completely unselfconscious.

“Helen, are you going to try one on?”

“I don’t know. This all seems so silly. None of us are getting married, Margaret.”

“Remember, Helen, it’s all in the power of yet. We are manifesting. Now get up and try on the dress. It’s waiting for you in the dressing room.”

Lilly smiled as the women laughed together. She couldn’t help staring at the tall, white-haired woman. Her olive skin and perfect posture gave her an elegant presence.

The woman met her eyes.

“Hey, sweetheart. Why don’t you join us?”

“Oh, no. That’s okay. I’m just enjoying your celebration. It’s fun watching you.”

“Don’t be silly. Come sit.”

The other ladies encouraged her as well.

“Come sit with me.”

“Esther, you’re always collecting people,” another teased.

“Don’t mind her. What’s your name?”

“I’m Lilly, and I truly don’t wish to intrude.”

“Nonsense. My name is Margaret, and these are my lifelong gal pals.”

Just then, Helen stepped out of the dressing room.

She looked puzzled. “Who do we have here?”

“Oh, never mind that, Helen. She’s our new friend, Lilly. Now let’s focus on you. Helen, you’re stunning. I knew this was the perfect gown.”

“Oh, posh,” Helen grunted as she stepped toward the three-way mirror.

She gasped at her reflection and immediately twirled.

“You’re right, Margaret. I look amazing!”

“See? Now isn’t this fun?”

“Well, I still think it’s foolish. I’m not even dating anyone. But yes… it is fun. A bit of a tease, but still…”

“Ladies,” Lilly interrupted, “the shop is about to close, and I still want to browse a little more. Thank you so much for letting me be part of this. It’s been such a pleasure.”

The women wished her well as she wandered back toward the dresses.

There it was.

She pulled out the dress Roni had chosen.

It didn’t look any different. Just as lovely as before.

Lilly slowly turned, taking in the entire shop.

The laughter.

The music.

The sparkle of beading beneath the lights.

Before leaving, she glanced back one last time.

Helen was still standing in front of the mirror, smoothing the skirt of her gown before giving herself one more delighted twirl. The ladies erupted into laughter, cheering her on as though she really were a bride.

Lilly smiled.

They were completely inside the moment.

She noticed all of it.

And yet…

Why did she still feel like she was standing outside of it?

To be continued.

Tag, you’re it. If you’d like to jump in, feel free. If not, I’ll keep moving it along, bit by bit.

Sending warmth and kindness.

Stories, Bit by Bit: Lilly, Part 8

Today was all hers. Her laptop would have to miss her. Just for today, no writing. She grabbed her beach gear. She knew exactly where to start, a mango and banana smoothie at her favorite smoothie bar.

She took her first sip and grabbed a seat to take it all in while enjoying the treat. It was smooth, cool, and just right. She took a deep breath and listened and watched the seagulls. The pesky pigeons, stalking scraps of food with such diligence, captured her attention briefly.

Then laughter shifted her focus. Two kids were busy burying a man, likely their dad. The woman nearby was enjoying it a little too much. Lilly glanced over at a group of boys lined up against a small cement wall, watching the pretty girls go by. She giggled, noticing some of the women seemed quite pleased to catch their eyes.  One of the boys, though, was staring at Lilly. She quickly looked away.

Her eyes moved to the water. The urge to run in was strong, but the smoothie deserved another slow sip as she gazed further out. 

A lone figure caught her eye, farther out than the others. For a second, Lilly’s heart raced. Was she okay? Lilly lifted her travel binoculars.

A woman, grinning wide, popping under and back up again. She hadn’t seen a smile like that since her Mama. She floated, then disappeared and resurfaced, delighted, as if she’d discovered something down there.  Lilly’s spine tickled. She closed her eyes and smiled. 

The lady began to make her way in, slowly. 

Once she was just able to stand, a wave knocked her down. She tried again, only to fall again. Her laughter never stopped. Resigning her effort, she began rolling in. Lilly’s eyes widened. The lady was headed straight for a poor boy.  She knocked him over, but he was just fine. Two lady friends came running to help her. All of them laughing. They helped take off her cover-up that must have been weighing her down.

Watching the ladies walk away, another kind of wave began. Her Mama would have been the first one out there, hollering back for Lilly to join her. Tears wet Lilly’s cheeks. 

Until all at once, She got up wearing her Mama’s smile and ran towards the water. 

To be continued.

Tag, you’re it. If you’d like to jump in, feel free. If not, I’ll keep moving it along, bit by bit.

Sending warmth and kindness.