Her grip on the steering wheel had softened, not like before. She drove with the window open, feeling the freedom of the air, matching the freedom she felt in every breath.
This is nice, she thought. Not fretting about the what-ifs or worrying about the hurt I’ll feel if he says my piece isn’t ready.
It wasn’t that she felt more confident. Something had shifted, though, and she wasn’t even sure it had anything to do with her writing.
She let it go and simply enjoyed the drive to the coffee shop she’d come to appreciate as a comfy place to be.
Justin was already there when she arrived. He stood, and she waved.
“Hi. And that’s not necessary. We’re like family now.”
“Okay, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll stop with the formalities if you realize we’re like family now, too. Let’s use this time with as little unease as possible. Roni and I are both excited about your writing. I’d hate to think our time together feels like a test.”
“Oh, Justin, it’s a deal. To be honest, I’m glad we’re talking about this. I’ve been thinking about it since before I left the motel. I feel a shift, not necessarily with my writing, but with the critique of it. I’m actually excited to learn more from you.”
“Well, I hope so. That remains to be seen,” Justin teased.
They both laughed and sat at the same time.
“Well, let’s not waste time. Let’s see it. Why don’t you go order your coffee while I sit here and read? Sound good, Lilly?”
“Oh yes, especially the part about getting coffee. I may have been looking forward to that more than meeting with you.”
She turned, her smile widening. There she was, that familiar warm face.
“Hello. Good to see you again, ma’am. What can I get for you today? Your usual coffee with a splash of vanilla?”
How sweet. She’d already established not only a rapport but a go-to order the kind barista remembered.
She turned to walk back. Justin was still reading and jotting notes.
Oh no, this isn’t a good sign.
She stopped herself from going down that road.
Good. He’s going to give me tangible things to learn and work with today.
Her pace quickened.
Justin looked up as she took another sip.
“Well, Lilly, let’s get started. I do have some opinions. Let’s start with what I thoroughly enjoyed.”
Lilly sat up, then leaned in, ready to capture his every word.
“Wait. Justin, let me grab my recorder.”
“Sure.”
He waited, and when she looked ready, he began,
“Lilly, I see you took my advice. You stayed with the scenes longer, and honestly, I felt like I was right there with you in the shop. I almost wanted to be a bride just to experience what you were showing me. But I didn’t have to be. As a reader, I felt transported there, not only to the place, but into the feeling of it. I especially enjoyed the conversations between the women. I could see them.”
He watched her lean back, smiling so hard her cheeks flushed. She was beaming.
“Lilly, it tickles me to see you enjoying my positive feedback. Are you ready for the less-than-glowing review?” Justin asked with a smile.
Her smile stayed, but her tone shifted a bit.
“I think so, Justin. So please, give it to me straight. Don’t hold anything back.”
“Oh, not to worry. I know it isn’t always easy to hear, but it doesn’t help you as a writer if I hold back just to protect your ego. In fact, as I’ve said, the ego is one of the first things you’re going to need to let go of.”
He smiled.
“First, I’d encourage you to keep doing what you’re already improving at. You’re showing instead of telling, and that’s something new writers often struggle with. For example, here.”
Justin leaned toward the laptop and found the passage.
“She gasped. Her cheeks flushed as her clenched hands relaxed at her sides.” He glanced at Lilly. “And then you have her twirling and giggling. You didn’t tell me Helen was excited. You let me see it.”
Justin scrolled farther down.
“But here…”
He read aloud.
“Now the moment seemed even more vivid than the picture.”
Lilly’s eyes widened, her lips curling down just a bit.
Justin paused. “Are you okay, Lilly?”
“Oh yes, of course. Sorry. It’s just that I get frustrated because I want you to tell me what’s wrong. It’s hard for me to be patient with it. I always want you to get right to the point.”
“That’s fair, Lilly, and it’s exactly what we need to be addressing. Sometimes in your writing, it’s as though you want to get to the point. You want to be done. But patience is important. It’s the very thing I think is still lacking in this piece.”
“Okay. I can accept that I need to stay with a moment even more, but I don’t know exactly what that looks like or how to do it, Justin. So if I seem defensive or frustrated, it’s not because I don’t want to hear it. I don’t know how to recognize what’s wrong versus knowing how to fix it. I still feel a disconnect.”
“Well, of course you do. You may have a natural gift, but good writing takes more than that. It takes work, learning, and a lot of trying.” He paused. “Are you up for the challenge, Lilly?”
“I am, Justin. Or at least, I believe I can learn how to be. I won’t lie. I’m afraid I lack the grit, but by golly, I’m going to keep going, one sentence at a time.”
She paused.
“Speaking of one sentence, Justin…” Lilly laughed. “Not to be impatient, but may we go back to that sentence? Can we continue where you left off?”
“Of course, Lilly.”
Justin pointed to the sentence.
“What did you experience that the photograph couldn’t capture?”
Lilly thought for a moment.
“Well, Justin, I liken it to the moment when a beautiful bride-to-be sees her image for the first time, and she and everyone watching know from the look on her face, this is her dress. When I looked at the picture, it was like the captured moment was alive and palpable within the picture itself.”
Justin nodded. “Okay. Now we’re getting somewhere. But listen to what you just told me, and then look at what you wrote.”
He pointed again to the sentence.
“You wrote, ‘Now the moment seemed even more vivid than the picture.’ That’s not quite what you just described to me. You’re telling me the picture itself seemed to hold the life of the moment.”
Lilly looked back at the screen.
“Remember what you wrote just before this? You asked whether I’d ever looked at a picture of someone laughing and could almost hear the joy.”
Lilly’s eyes widened.
“That’s what I’m talking about,” she said, pointing toward the screen.
Justin smiled. “Exactly. You already had it. Now your job isn’t to find a prettier sentence. It’s to figure out how to make me experience what you just explained to me.”
There was a pause. Justin’s face lit up as he quickly rose. Lilly looked back to see what he was looking at when she heard,
“Guys, sorry I’m late.”
Lilly looked at her laptop. It was 5:30 already. Where did the time go?
“Oh, no worries,” Justin said. “Darling, you always arrive right on time.”
“Oh, hush, Justin. You charmer. I wonder if you’ll be saying that ten years down the road.”
Lilly got up and interrupted.
“I don’t know, Roni. I’ve known you most of my life, and I’ve always thought you were right on time.”
“Oh, stop, both of you. Are you ready to go get something to eat? I’m starving. I have so much to share, and I want to hear all about how it went with you guys today.”
As Roni and Justin started their usual public display of affection, Lilly grabbed her recorder and whispered,
“I’m excited to try and make the reader experience…”
Lilly clicked off the recorder.
To be continued…
Just two more bits to go.
Tag, you’re it. If you’d like to jump in, feel free. If not, I’ll keep moving it along, bit by bit.
