Today we gather to celebrate the passing of a longtime companion:

The Worry of Losing My Glasses.

It was born in my early years, about the same time I discovered there were actually leaves on trees instead of green blobs. That was also the beginning of what has become a lifelong, occasionally dysfunctional relationship with my glasses.

It put up a good fight.

There were frantic searches. Looking in the same place over and over, convinced that if I could just find my glasses, I’d be able to see where they were. Family members were recruited into the search because, naturally, my urgency should be theirs.

We must find them!

In time, however, I accepted the inevitable.

I am going to lose my glasses.

Frequently.

Sometimes they’re on my head.

Sometimes they’re hanging from my shirt.

Sometimes I’m actually wearing them.

To honor this new chapter, I invested in more than several leather eyeglass retainers in a variety of colors.

I once heard a comedian joke that people who wear those have officially made peace with remaining single.

Well…

I own dozens.

They match my outfits.

It doesn’t hurt that my one pair of prescription glasses happens to be bendable. I call them my Charli-proof specs. So when I inevitably fall asleep with them hanging around my neck, they’re still there waiting for me in the morning, ready to help me see another beautiful day.

The deceased is survived by the comforting knowledge that there’s no need to worry about losing my glasses.

Of course I’ll lose them.

Fortunately, my bright-colored eyeglass retainers usually help me track them down.

In lieu of flowers, please send more eyeglass retainers.

Red is always a good choice.