I am very much inside the weather of my life right now. So many things are happening at once, and many are rocking my world, shaking me up much like a smoothie in a blender.

Mama has cancer, and while I know the circle of life dictates this natural occurrence, not cancer specifically but the body failing in general, it doesn’t change one thing about coping through it. Since we got the diagnosis, I have been going through pictures and lamenting with excessive tears. Don’t get me wrong, she is a trooper, a strong, stubborn gal who might just beat this. I do accept that it is slow growing. However, they think she probably has had it undiagnosed for years.

How has this affected my view on life? Right now, I am kind of frozen, trying to get through it one day at a time. I can’t imagine what I would do without her. I suppose most everyone has wondered about this since the dawn of time.  I am concerned I won’t be able to continue. I know that is too deep and scary to say but she has been my world for my entire life; each breath belongs to her in a way. So how has it changed my perspective? To be continued, I suppose.

Yesterday, my brother’s 14-year-old granddaughter was rushed to the hospital.  The doctors are guessing that she probably had the flu or influenza, and somehow that caused her heart to stop, thus losing oxygen.  Today, they did more tests to verify what they already know. Her brain is dead, and if the final test tomorrow confirms it once again, they will turn off her life support.

I am crying now, not just for the loss of this sweet young child, but also because my brother and sister-in-law are completely devastated. Gracie, her dad, and her sibling have lived with them since she was born. Ouch. I cannot even fathom it and pray I never have to.

How has this significant life event influenced my perspective on life? To be honest, to be continued as well.

About a month ago, my oldest sister lost much of her home to a fire. She is devastated and unable to even talk about things. She was already feeling fragile about Mom, and this has completely taken her strength.

How has her loss affected my perspective? Again, to be found.

I am in a season of loss, even if not directly.

Even at work, I feel like I am not on solid ground.  Big changes, and I am uncertain if my job is secure. I need it desperately. It seems like everything is shifting and that I may have to adjust elsewhere.

However, I may just need to calm down, give myself mercy, and hope my employers, who once seemed to value my service, still feel the same way. I don’t know, and to be honest, I need to move forward, as this constant second guessing slows down my productivity.

I am rambling today. This piece feels very “Dear Diary.” So dear reader, if you are still with me, thank you for sitting with me for a longer time today.

Even in the middle of these stormy times, there have been divine moments of light.

My oldest granddaughter moved in with me. She needed a new place to thrive, and that is exactly what she has done. I could not be more thrilled. One of my daughters said, “Mom, you should flex. It is because of you.” I told her thank you, but it is because of her, and besides that, we are a team.

In fact, her aunt, who directs a community theatre, has made my granddaughter the stage manager. This has helped her build confidence. Her mom and dad could not be prouder of her turnaround and plan to visit in June.

How has having my new roomie changed my perspective? Hmmm…still not coming up with anything.

Let’s move on to writing. I have made significant changes in this arena, ones that have me tickled pink. I am working on my first book. I am entering submissions pieces, and I now have my very own page. I keep repeating this, but my goodness, I love having a writing home.

Can we call this an event? Gosh, yes, as it feels like a holiday worth celebrating. I think it is such a blessing. I am so excited. Will I succeed? Am I good enough? Hey, I do feel confident I am going to finish the book, and that is a huge win.

I have created this page, and regardless of where it goes, I am thankful for it. I am learning the craft more, connecting with fellow writing peeps, and on and on. Writing is the thing getting me through these days lately.

I can’t put my finger on how all of this has changed my perspective. I have always been acutely aware of the fleeting moments we all have, and for the most part, I have appreciated the ephemeral specks of time. However, lately, not quite as much.

I wonder, as things seem to be changing so rapidly, have I lost my ability to live in the moment, appreciating simple abundance?

I am realizing that I may not be able to clearly answer how these significant life events have changed my perspective just yet, because I am still inside the change. Everything feels unsettled and tender. What I do know is that writing has been with me all along, but it feels especially present right now, almost as a compassion I didn’t know I would need in this particular season. I can’t help but believe God nudged me toward this space, knowing full well it would help carry me through. I may not have clarity. I may not have perspective or answers right now, but I have words, dear ones, to tend to. For today, like my evolving perspectives, this is enough.