I’ve been watching you for a very long time. I am so sorry that I didn’t tell you this sooner. I love you, and I also like you. You and I are actually very fun to hang out with.

You laugh, I like that. You look so cute when you smile. 

Now my visit isn’t all fun and games. I see you suffer much more than you need to. You don’t deserve the treatment you give yourself sometimes. 

Now lean in and listen. It took me a long time to figure these things out. 

You are not self-absorbed. You are self-scanning. There is a difference. You learned early to read rooms, to brace for exclusion, to look for the moment you might be picked last. That awareness helped you survive, but it does not get to run your whole life. No need to audition, baby girl.   

Most people are thinking about themselves too. Wherever we go, there we are. You just zoom in tighter than most. Your feelings are valid, but they are not always evidence.

Sometimes you are not being rejected. Sometimes you are tired, hungry, or have produced another episode of “The Tragic Life of the Girl Who Was Picked Last.” Hey, that is pretty creative, but it is not always a true story.

And sweetheart, do not take yourself quite so seriously. You are allowed to be a little dramatic. Just don’t build a whole identity around it. So instead of asking, “Am I their cup of tea?” ask, “Are they mine?”

And no, do not shrink your warmth to make it rarer. Your warmth is not a strategy. It is a trait. You know what cold feels like, so you choose to be warm. Keep that.

Just remember, not everyone wants a hug. Loving people well also means respecting their space. Warm does not mean overextending. It means genuine.

You will get rejected sometimes. Everyone does. You will get back up. You always do. That is one of my favorite things about you.

Would you agree, younger me, that you study rooms to see who is naturally glowing and wonder why your light feels dimmer?

You nod.

Look at us, nodding in unison.

It’s because I understand.

I choose you. And I see your sparkle.

Do you?

You know how you are always calling yourself a misfit?

You smirk. “Yeah… you’re one too, huh?”

I laugh. Fair.

One day, hopefully soon, you will see it is actually an impressive thing to be.

One more piece of unsolicited advice. Finish what you start. Do not give up on yourself so quickly. You will be tempted to. Do not.

Okay, enough of all this lecturing. Neither of us are fond of that. And I know you have never liked being told what to do. Some things do not change.

And hey, if you decide to ignore every bit of this and roll your eyes at me later, I will still love you exactly as you are.

Come here.

We hug. A real one. You squeeze first. I squeeze back harder.

Now let’s grab something warm and sit for a minute.

We start walking.

You bump my shoulder, testing to see if I’ll bump you back

“Hey… I know you already know this,” you say, staring at the ground for a second, then glancing up at me, “but do you think maybe… I’m going to be okay?”

I smile.

“Oh, most definitely,” I say, nudging your shoulder back. “You’re going to be more than okay.”

We keep walking.